Sunday, June 29, 2008

Time for a change.

There are moments in my day that scare me into a panic attack. The latest thought is one of fear, I fear I will not be able to support myself and my children. I fear the man I love, will walk away from me, or worse, he will stay but become disconnected.

So it got me thinking about a plan of action. I am a very compitant person to do a variety of work. But I feel I need to validate myself with a college degree. And so it is done- 18 years after highschool, I am going to college. This will be quite a challenge, as I still have 3 kids at home, the youngest being a newborn.

But when I set my mind to do something, I do it. I also realize I need to set some short term and long term goals for myself, something I have stopped doing since I have been in a relationship. I do not want to lose myself again - becoming "someone's" old lady, or just MOM. The 2 years I was single were the most enlightening and rewarding. I grew as a person, learning to love myself instead of me just loving "someone". It gave me self esteem and also helped me become a better mother.

I do not want to "lose" myself again.

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